


A Little Broken, a Little New

by Jason_Silver



Series: Give us Bread, Give us Salt, Give us Wine [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Aftercare, Character Study, Divorce, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Masochism, Spencer Reid/Jason Gideon in the past, Team Dynamics, not with Hotch, sad Hotchner but happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:15:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27179093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jason_Silver/pseuds/Jason_Silver
Summary: When Aaron Hotchner joins the BAU as their unit chief he expects a lot of things. He expects to be the odd man out not coming from a phycology or profiling background. He expects resistance from senior members of the team insistent they don't need a babysitter. He expects the hours to be long and the violent brutality of the killers to get under his skin. Somewhere deep down in a place he'll never let himself visit he can admit he expects this to final straw in his relationship with Hayley.What he doesn't expect, could never have anticipated, was meeting someone like Spencer Reid.This is a series, each work can be read on it's own and in what ever order you want. It spans the first two seasons. This part is Hotch's point of view of the same events as part two which is in Spencer's point of view. The timeline of each chapter roughly lines up with each other.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Jason Gideon/Spencer Reid
Series: Give us Bread, Give us Salt, Give us Wine [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1996954
Comments: 23
Kudos: 118





	1. The First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How it all starts
> 
> Updated Oct 26th, now with 10% less grammar errors
> 
> Some spoilers through season 2 although we're playing fast and loose with the cannon at times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title taken from Sleeping at Last - North

When Aaron Hotchner joins the BAU as their unit chief he expects a lot of things. He expects to be the odd man out not coming from a phycology or profiling background. He expects resistance from senior members of the team insistent they don't need a babysitter. He expects the hours to be long and the violent brutality of the killers to get under his skin. Somewhere deep down in a place he'll never let himself visit he can admit he expects this to be the final straw in his relationship with Hayley.

What he doesn't expect, could never have anticipated, was meeting someone like Spencer Reid. He's brilliant, anyone can see that, some might think of it as just books smarts but it's so much beyond that. He comes off as socially awkward, he doesn’t shake Hotch's stretched out hand like everyone else. Spencer just gives him a weak smile as an apology. But people mistake that awkwardness to think he doesn't understand human psychology.

They are standing in a precinct both dead on their feet. It's Hotch's first week and their third case. They all know the man sitting smugly in the interrogation room is their unsub but despite turning his entire house upside-down they can't find a shred of evidence. The man lawyered up imminently, they hadn't even gotten a chance with him. Morgan and Gideon are pouring over every facet of the case, JJ is on the phone trying to get the public defenders office to send someone tonight. Hotch and Reid just stand there staring at the man as if he'll magically give them answers.

Spencer taps his shoulder getting his attention and it startles Hotch, it's the first time Spencer's touched him. The boy gives him a look. It’s a look that belongs on the dance floor of a crowded club, it’s a look that someone shoots you from across the bar, it’s a look of desperation that has nothing to do with the case they’re on. 

JJ rushes in annoyance lacing her voice.

"We have enough to hold him overnight, they'll send someone in the morning."

Hotch orders them all back to the hotel for a good nights sleep. He sees Gideon slip a case file into his bag but doesn't say anything. Morgan tries to protest but yields to Hotch's authority. JJ mutters something about working off aggression at the gym and stocks off. Gideon and Moran share a car, heads together still discussing the case and Aaron half expects to come back the next morning to find they'd never left.

They'd only booked three rooms, as he expected they were rarely all there a once basically sleeping in shifts, and when they were they were too tired to worry over any awkwardness about sharing rooms. To Hotch’s surprise the team didn't segregate themselves by sex, JJ and Reid bunked together one night and Elle seemed to prefer Morgan's company. He knew nothing was going on there but it still felt strange. Gideon had volunteered to share the bosses room and no one argued.

So when they reached the front desk Hotch expected the arrangement to be much the same that night. The sleepy man at the desk asked which rooms they want and Reid steps forward and asks for two Keys to room 403. The man doesn't even bat an eye as he hands them over and goes back to scrolling through his phone.

Aaron lets Reid take the lead, every instinct in him saying he’s right about what was going to happen when they closed that door and finally have privacy for the first time since meeting but he still wouldn't let himself fully believe it.

He closes the door and Reid flicks on the lights, for a moment they stand like that, Reid still facing away from him and Hotch stuck in the doorway.

"I know what you need." The boy says. "I need it too."

Reid knows exactly what he needs. He sinks to his knees in front of Hotch and gives him all the control he had been desperately grasping for for the past week. He takes everything Aaron has to give and sinks into submission so beautifully, so naturally.


	2. The Second Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of an underage relationship in Spencer's past.

It's been a month and a half since he first had Spencer Reid beneath him, begging and writhing. He's starting to think maybe it's a one off thing. Aaron does some covert digging, thinking maybe that had been Reid's way of getting insurance that he could control the new boss. But he can't find any evidence that Spencer has done this before with a co-worker or a boss.

What he does find is a scandal, it takes some digging, recourses outside the FBI. The case had been sealed for involving a minor and he doesn't trust Garcia enough to keep this quiet. It's the first and only reference to Spencer's sex life he's been able to find. He was 14, the man was a college professor. Spencer swore up and down in court is was consensual giving all sorts of logical arguments, the opposition had used Spencer's IQ to argue he was basically an adult. The professor had lost his job but Aaron tracked him down. He was teaching at a community college. He'd changed his name.

Aaron refuses to let himself dwell on his own motivations for forwarding the school’s newspaper article anonymously to the community college. Besides it doesn't mention Spencer by name.

Things have smoothed out between him and the team. He's surprised to find that in a short time he's cultivated their trust. He's shared a room with each of them and gotten that awkwardness over with. Spencer hasn't bunked with him again, he keeps expecting him follow him back to Aaron's room again one day, or show up with a recording and some demands.

The second time it happens is back at the BAU.

The case had been pretty cut and dry, a waste of their time and talents in Aaron's mind but when he voiced as much to Strauss she'd reminded that the local law enforcement might have caught the guy but he probably would have killed at least two more people before they did. He's drowning in paperwork form their previous case, Elle had stepped on some jurisdictional toes and he's putting out fires when Reid knocks on his door.

He stands in the open doorway clutching his shoulder bag with that look on his face.

"Please." It's all he has to say and Hotch drops everything.

They aren't stupid enough to do it in his office even though he's sure Reid wouldn’t object. Everyone else is gone for the night, clearly he'd stayed behind and waited for Hotch to finish until he couldn’t wait anymore.

They don't speak expect for Spencer giving him terse directions to his place, he’d texted Hayley not to expect him tonight. She hadn't texted back. Hotch can't help but let one hand rest on Spencer's thigh the whole drive. He can feel every squirm and every tremor. He wants Spencer to know he's watching.

Spencer's apartment is everything he could imagine it would be, more workshop than living room. Bookshelves line every available wall, blackout curtains to let him sleep during the day. There isn't even a dinning table, clearly he almost never has company. Although there is a plethora of places to sit, an old rocking chair, a love seat, three separate bean bags, a desk chair, the lone stool pulled up to the kitchen counter. He can imagine Reid curled up in any number of them pouring over a book with that adorable look of concentration on his face.

Reid tugs him past it all straight for the bedroom. It's a reminder that this is nothing more than sex.

But god it feels like so much more than that.

Spencer is on his knees again, he falls into so perfectly looking up at Aaron eyes begging him to do something, to take control.

"What do you need tonight?" Aaron asks grabbing a fist full of his hair just to assure Reid that what ever it is he'll give it to him. He licks his perfect perfect lips but can’t seem to find the words. Hotch gives his hair a sharp tug, he doesn't like repeating himself.

"I need it to hurt," Spencer breaths out, "I don't care what it is I just need you to hurt me." He's so desperate for it Hotch doesn't even need to remind him to add, "Please Sir."

Even though Spencer says he didn't care how Hotch hurts him he knows that if he can just find the perfect way ... he considers his options for a moment. When Aaron slowly unbuckles and slips his belt out of his pants he can tell by the way Spencer's entire body goes slack that he's found the right answer.

Others might find it strange but Hotch understands when Reid wants to finish him with his mouth and declines the same when it's offered. Reid makes them tea and he lets Hotch stay a little while, they sit on the love seat with Spencer curled up in his lap engrossed in a book. Aaron drifts in and out of sleep enjoying the weight of Spencer on his chest. He strokes his fingers through the boys hair and Spencer relaxes deeper into him. Spencer doesn't say he can stay so when he finally stretches and extracts himself from Hotch’s grip he knows the night is over. Spencer allows him a chaste kiss before he goes.

Hayley is awake when he gets back, it's 2am. They both know it's been over for a while now.

"Are you going to tell me who it is?"

"It's not serious. It's only been twice." He doesn't feel guilty, a year ago they'd decided to see other people. She was the first to take it up sleeping with three different men in one week. He suspects it was more to prove that she could then because she needed to. This is the first time he's done it though and he can tell it's hurt her. He wished it didn't. He wished he could make it better. He wished they spent that gap year apart exploring other people instead of marrying straight out of high school. He tells her it was a man. She just nods and goes to bed.

The next day Hotch can't help a small smile when Reid doesn't sit down at the meeting table.


	3. Other Lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid shows up to work with hickies and they aren't from Hotch.

Reid is far better at this whole secret keeping than he is but one day he walks into the conference room to find Morgan laughing about something and Reid hastily doing up the buttons of his shirt. He catches just a glimpse of red and purple love bites trailing down Reid’s neck before the shirt is buttoned all the way.

“Hotch did you know about this?”

He’s stunned and he’ll never admit in that moment that his heart sank a little. It’s been a whole month since he and Reid last met up. It makes sense that Reid would have someone else in his life, Aaron does even if he and Hayley aren’t sleeping together anymore but Reid doesn’t know that. They’d never had that conversation.

Reid’s sharp eyes don’t fail to note the expression on his face, what does he see? Jealously? Sorrow? Hotch isn’t even sure what he himself is feeling. Morgan gives him a look and laughs again.

“See what I mean Reid, even Hotch is shocked. You just don’t come off as the kind of guy-“

“We have case to discuss.” Aaron interrupts. He can see the blush creeping up Reid’s cheeks. When the rest of the team arrives he gets to the case as quick as possible and the moment for Morgan to tease Reid in front of the team is lost with the appearance of four dead bodies on the screen.

Reid keeps throwing him looks like Hotch is a puzzle to decipher, he’s probably trying to figure out if he’s mad or doesn’t care. He hopes Reid will figure it out and tell him because at the moment he’s perfectly fucking content to throw himself into the case and forget what he saw. Emotions rage in the background, who? Does he even have the right to ask? Should he tell Reid there’s nothing between him and Hayley but Jack anymore? Who left those marks on Reid’s neck?

As they head out to the tarmac Reid falls behind a little. He could ignore it, pretend he didn’t see, but Hotch isn’t a cruel man and really he can’t deny Reid anything he wants. So he falls back under the pretense of tying his shoe. Reid stops beside him and he doesn’t look up. The boy doesn’t say anything just stands there and fidgets till Hotch is forced to straighten and at least attempt to look at him.

“It’s okay.” It isn’t. “I understand.” He doesn’t. “We’ll talk later but you have nothing to fear, I’m not angry with you Spencer.” That much is true, he knows he has no right to be mad and he isn’t. He’s disappointed, not in Reid for sleeping around but in himself for not being enough.

Reid nods mercifully believing him and lets out a long sigh.

“Thank you.” He mutters before scurrying off after the others.

Gideon watches him as he enters the plane, he gives him a look that says he noticed their little private conversation. Reid slots himself in the seat opposite Gideon and pulls a portable chess game out of his bag. Aaron watches as the plan takes off and they both become engrossed in the game. He supposes he doesn’t have a monopoly on caring about Reid. Gideon catches him staring, Aaron looks away. 

They never have that talk, when the case is over Reid practically bolts out the door and Aaron does’t follow him. Three weeks later Reid is back in his bed like nothing ever happened, Hotch tries to pretend he’s not inspecting Reid’s body for signs of another lover but he knows Reid is too sharp not to notice. Reid asks to be hurt again and Hotch tries, he’ll always try for him but it feels like he’s punishing Spencer. They have to stop before they’ve even really gotten started. He can tell Reid wants to storm off (to his other lover?) but when he offers his favorite takeout and a movie Reid stays.


	4. Moving out

When he comes home the divorce papers are on the kitchen counter. She's granted him 1/2 custody of Jack and he's grateful for that although he know's he won't ever be able to look after his son half the time. The visitation plan is flexible. The child support makes sense and it's not like he can't afford it, he'd pay it even if he didn't have to. She’ll keep the house, he’ll get an apartment closer to the BAU.

He tries to keep it separate from work but when you work with the best profilers in the country they can tell something is wrong. It doesn't even take the missing wedding ring for them to tell what's happened.

The whole team pitches in to help him move even though he'd practically begged them not to. Gideon tells him it will be a team building exercise and he can write off the moving truck as a business expense. In the end they don't even need a moving truck, all Hotch's possessions fit between Morgan's truck, Gideon's borrowed FBI SUV, JJ's Sedan, and his convertible. This is why he didn't want them here. It's one thing for them to know his marriage had failed but it's a whole other to invite them to investigate his life. He can see Morgan trying to turn off his profiling skills when he asks Hotch if that’s everything and Hotch just nods. JJ hadn't been able to keep that pitting look off her face.

Elle doesn't say much but he can see that she notices that the biggest boxes are just filled with case files, books, and research papers. Gideon has the audacity to pat him on the back consolingly.

And the whole time there's Reid who doesn't even try to hide the fact that he's probably figuring things out about Hotch that he doesn't even know himself. Reid takes such care with his meager belongings as if something might break in his hands. He leaves the furniture to Hotch and Morgan and instead focuses on all the odds and ends that didn’t quite make it into a box. Hotch's tennis racket, the perfectly folded bedding, a high school mathletes trophy, the pointy wizard hat he wears every halloween for Jack, a leather jacket he thought he'd lost but really it was just in the back of the closet, a toy Jack had grown out of that he hadn't been able to bring himself to get rid of.

When everything is loaded up Spencer slips into the convertible with him. The rest of the team lets it happen without comment. Everything had started to feel weird an hour ago when they'd all had to face that this had been a very bad idea. No one else really wanted to ride with Hotch and Spencer was the only one without a car.

When he gets behind the wheel he knows he has to be the first one to pull out to show everyone else the way but he allows himself a small moment to breath even with Spencer watching.

He feels like he's been cut open and left on the operating table as each member of his team picked through him to see what he's made of.

Spencer puts a hand over his and squeezes and somehow that small gesture gives him the confidence to start the engine. Spencer rarely initiates the touching. He doesn't hate it when Hotch touches him, on the contrary when they are alone he leans into ever touch Hotch will give him wether is a caress or a slap. But he almost never reaches out first.

It helps more than he could ever express with words to have Spencer sitting there, the boy rattles off directions like a GPS even though he knows Hotch doesn't need them he somehow knows Hotch needs something to fill the silence that in no way can be interpreted as being about the current situation.

He doesn't know how he'll ever thank Spencer for what he does next. When they all reconvene in the parking lot outside his building Spencer is the first to speak rattling off statistic about this neighborhood. As they shepard the boxes up the three flights of stairs (this is supposed to be a new building why why why did the elevator have to be out today of all days?) Reid starts with crime statistics, they're low and almost no home invasions. And he just keeps going covering everything from the type of pipes in the building to the entire history of all six restaurants that have occupied the building next-door.

No one even tries to stop him. Reid keeps pace with Hocth and he knows it must be exhausting but he's there at ever turn just a wall of sound ready to block out any thing from JJ's looks to Gideon's unwanted advice.

The team deposits their housewarming gifts on the kitchen counter and all beat a hasty retreat. Gideon looks like he wants to pull him aside and say something but Reid drags him off insisting they all have to try this authentic Mexican place three blocks away.

The door shuts and Hotch is left in a strange apartment with everything he owns. They'd been careful with his stuff and he doesn’t expect anything to be broken or lost. The boxes are piled neatly in the corner of the living room. He'd need to buy a lot of new furniture including a bed and mattress but he'd settle for sleeping on the couch for now. He'd hope that Strauss would have a case for them tomorrow that would take at least a week so he wouldn't have to think about unpacking but he knew that was futile. She'd offered to give him the whole week off and insisted he take at least two days.

Two days, two miserable days trying to figure out what his life looked like now. Two days to sit here and stew. Two days to avoid his team and hope they could all go back to acting like they hadn't seen into his very soul today.

He sinks into the couch, it's a little dusty, it had been from his college dorm and he couldn't bare to get rid of it but Hayley instead he keep it in the garage. It's as comfortable as ever and he debates just taking a nap right here. He should shower, check out the water pressure, start putting things away, plan out what size bed he'd need.

He pulls out his phone and starts to text Reid to say thank you, then he remembered the boy almost never checks his phone unless it's a case and he as a special ring tone for that. He types out 'thank you', then deletes it, he types out 'I really appreciate your help' then deletes that grimacing at how formal it sounds. He types 'I need you' and just stares at the send button. Hotch doesn't want to disturb him. He deletes it.

His eyes are just growing heavy when there's a knock at the door. If it's Gideon he's going to slam the door in his face manners be damed.

It's Spencer, perfect Spencer. The boy smiles holding up his phone.

"I saw you trying to text me."

Spencer lets him take him over the couch arm which is at the perfect hight for this kind of thing and totally not the main reason Hotch loves this couch. He takes Reid again in the shower, and once over the kitchen counter as they wait for takeout. He's still inside Reid when the deliver man knocks on the door. Hotch makes Reid get it only letting him pull on a towel to protect his modesty. Reid comes back with food and a face flushed red. He's so perfect Hotch drags him to his knees and fucks his face even as he gags and chokes.

They end up in the bedroom where there are no piles of boxes glaring at Hotch, Reid spreads out the blankets like a nest and damn Hotch is too old to be sleeping on the floor but he can't resist.

Reid is the one who take Hotch into his arms. He's actually taller than Aaron, he tucks Aaron's head under his chin and holds him tight, an anchor in the storm as Hotch finally lets silent tears spill form his eyes.

It’s turns out to be two perfect days with Spencer Reid. They don’t open a single box. 


	5. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of drug use

Three months after Tobias Hankel Hotch promises Reid if he doesn't get help he'll be forced to report this Strauss. Gideon think's he's the first to notice and when he brings it up to Hotch he has to fake it, he's good at that now. People always describe Hotch as a stone wall emotionally but now surrounded by profilers and killers he's a master at controlling the minute movements of his face. Gideon believes his shock, he agrees to let Aaron handle it.

Reid isn't quite as understanding. He at least waits till everyone else has gone home before he curses Hotch out. Aaron wants to take him home and lock him away till he gets clean, he wants to force his hand with the threat that he'll be fired, he want to assert that dominance and control over Reid that the boy has let him have in the past. He wants to insist as his boss that it's an order, he wants to find Reid's stash and flush it down the toilet. But he knows this is something Reid has to do for himself. They both know the threat of Strauss is an empty one, Hotch would never sell out one of his team to her let alone Reid.

He lets Reid curse and rage at him. Because he knows he needs it. And when the tantrum is over he envelopes Reid in his arms and lets him cry until there's nothing left.

Reid spends a week on Aaron's couch on medical leave. There's a case in Arizona and Hotch doesn't want to leave him alone but Reid insists it's fine. He's going to meetings and agrees to let Aaron check in with his sponsor if he needs to. Aaron knows is so much more than he has a right to ask for and he only checks in with the sponsor once. Mostly Reid texts him, which is strange but he understands that the boy probably needs an outlet for everything he's feeling right now. Hotch's phone is a steady stream of statistics, Reid's symptoms, and assurances that he's doing okay. 

He knows this is only the first step. He knows relapse is common. He knows that just because Spencer Reid is the most brilliant and amazing person he’s ever know doesn’t mean he isn’t human. He know this is something he can help Spencer with but ultimately Spencer has to be the one to choose to get clean and stay clean and he needs to do it for himself not for the job, not for Hotch.

And Hotch has to force himself to face the fact that his concern for Reid, his constant checking up and wanting to be there for him … it’s helping him to not have to face his own thoughts. He’s plagued with dreams of watching Reid on the TV screen, Reid is trying to tell him something, get a message to him but his mind is full of panic that he can’t decipher what it is. He wakes up screaming Reid’s name to the empty hotel room because this time in his dreams Tobias Hankle isn’t able to revive him. It wasn’t even one of the worst ones in the past thee months but the feeling of Reid’s cold dead body in his arms is so lifelike he grapples for his phone and without thinking speed dials Reid.

“Nightmares again?” Reid whispers, Hotch would feel guilty that he woke him if he didn’t already know Reid was up and working on a paper.

“Just read me what you’re writing until I fall asleep again.”

Reid doesn’t argue, he does’t laugh, he just starts reading about philosophical dilemmas and Hotch falls back into blissfully dreamless sleep.

If the team notices him checking his phone every few minuets through out the rest of the case they don’t comment.

When the plane lands he heads straight home, another unusual occurrence that on one comments on, he finds Reid waiting for him outside his apartment. They haven’t had that talk yet but now doesn’t feel like the time because all he needs right now is Reid in his arms and he can’t bare to say anything that might jeopardize that. Tomorrow he promises himself.

A week later Reid's filled up half his bookcase with novels in Russian and textbooks on biology. Most nights he still goes back to his own place but more and more frequently Hotch will come back to his car after a late night with the case files to find Reid curled up in the back, or asleep at his desk in the bullpen.

Hotch slips a key to his apartment in Reid's bag but they can't do anything for at least a week because there's a case in Washington. When they get back Reid disappears somewhere and Hotch heads for his desk intent on zipping through the paperwork and heading home for sleep.

When he finally enters his bedroom, kicking off his shoes and undoing his tie, Reid is already there spread out in the king sized bed he'd convinced Hotch to buy, ass in the air clearly he'd been working himself open for some time, he's moaning and doesn't even notice Hotch enter the room.

Although he does notice when Hotch enters him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a ton of fun this with fic trying to balance the angst and the fluff. They're going to have that talk I promise.


	6. The Talk

Spencer stands next to the bed and Aaron stares up at him. It’s 5am but he knows Spencer often has trouble sleeping, him and that over active brain of his. It’s not uncommon for Aaron to wake up to an empty bed and find Spencer with papers scattered all over his counter scribbling notes.

"I think we should talk about this." Spencer whispers, Aaron laughs but quickly stops when he sees the look of hurt on Spencer face.

"If we were going to talk about this is seems a little late now.” He means that both in the ‘it’s 5am get your ass back to bed’ way and ‘we practically live together what is there to talk about?’ way.

Spencer perches on the end of the bed clearly intent on having this conversation and God damnit he hopes Reid really appreciates that he’ll do anything for him. Aaron sits up and turns on the lamp, it’s better than the overhead lights on his eyes but will allow them to see each other.

“Okay, I’m giving you permission to ask me anything even if it would seem out of bounds as either your boss or your …. what ever we are.” He knows Spencer needs that or he’ll be so afraid of upsetting Hotch by breaking with societal conventions that they’ll never really have a truthful conversation. Reid nods in thanks and thinks for a moment. Where to even start?

“I’ve been sleeping with Gideon since I met him.”

Well that’s one hell of a place to start. He watches Spencer’s shoulders tense up, he’s expecting him to be angry. Doesn’t he know by now Hotch could never be angry with him? He thinks back to the hickies Morgan was teasing Reid about, he hadn’t seen any since then although there have been times where they go weeks without seeing each other outside of work.

“Well that … explains a lot.”

Reid looks almost shocked at his reply and clearly expects Hotch to elaborate.

“I just mean … I’ve known there’s someone else and I’ve always wondered why two were so … close.”

Reid ducks his head looking like he’d just received a scolding. Hotch sighs.

“It’s not a bad thing Spence. I told you I’m not mad.”

“Even though I didn’t tell you?”

“We’ve never really talked about this stuff.” Aaron admits, no one is to blame here, clearly this has been hurting both of them.

“Do you want to know about it?”

“Only if you want to tell me.” It’s too vague he knows so Hotch decides he’d better start acting like an adult if he wants to keep Reid around, the boy deserves that much at least. “I don’t need details, I don’t mind if you want to provide them, but for my own sanity I’d like to know roughly when it happens.”

“Is there someone else for you?”

“No. Would you be okay if there was?”

Spencer looks away chewing the bottom of his lip. Silence fells over the room as Hotch watches him and Spencer avoids his gaze. It goes on so long he isn’t sure Spencer is ever going to answer.

“No.” It’s so quiet Hotch wouldn’t have heard it if he wasn’t practically hanging on ever breath Spencer took. Tension releases in his chest and somehow it’s okay. Somehow it’s better knowing that he’s all Spencer’s, knowing he has permission to be all Spencer’s, knowing Spencer wants him to be the only one. He feels wanted, possessed, he wonders if that’s what Spencer feels when he’s on his knees in front of Hotch. He thinks he might like to see what it feels like for himself. 

“Do I have to stop seeing Gideon?”

Aaron takes mental note that this is the second time they’re talking about Spencer getting fucked by the man but he can’t bring himself to use his first name.

“I don’t know, I think it should be up for discussion. Do you feel like you … need him?”

Spencer shakes his head vehemently. Relief washes over him and Hotch reaches out for the first time to take Spencer’s hand, the boy allows him to hold it but won’t look him in the eye.

“He wasn’t my first but it’s been going on for so long-” His words come out in a rush “-we only ever did it when one of us really needed it. I never … he never let me stay the night. I think he’s ashamed of it. I never felt that way but I could never let him get close. Not like this.” Spencer’s hand covers his and he squeezes. The small gesture means everything to Hotch, he want to wrap the boy up in his arms and never let him go. He doesn’t want to ask but he has to. He can live with the answer being no, he can live with Spencer having someone else in his life even if he has to see that person every day. They’ll work this out if that’s what Spencer needs but … he so desperately wants …

“Would you stop seeing him if I asked?”

“Yes. Are you asking?”

“Yes.”

It’s that simple and suddenly Spencer Reid is all his.


	7. It’s Been a That Kind of Week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have a little bit of Sub!Hotch and angst.

It Aaron who’s on his knees this time.

This is the first hotel room they’ve shared since that first time, Hotch is afraid as always that one of the sharp minds they’re surrounded by all day will pick up on this but everyone is to tired to comment. Things have changed, he know everyone can feel it but no one says anything.

After that night Spencer promises to talk to Gideon the next chance he gets and Aaron is surprised the very next day when he can sense there’s now a rift between the two old friends. Aaron asks about it and Spencer says Gideon asked him who it was but he didn’t answer.

Gideon pass by Spencer’s carefully laid out chess game on the plane to find a seat as far away from him as possible.

Aaron feels like a raw wire inwardly flinching at every look, worried any time someone pulls him aside that this will be when they start asking questions.

Spencer pretends to be lost in a book when Gideon asks him a question even though it’s only about the case.

Gideon pairs himself with Elle even thought Aaron absent mindiedlytried to send him and Reid to the crime scene.

Morgan asks Hotch if everything is okay. He tells him it is. It’s not. He can tell his lie isn’t convincing enough but Morgan drops it.

He rounds a corner in the FBI’s winding hallways to see JJ pull Reid into a tight hug. Reid stiffens because he doesn’t like human contact but then he sinks into it letting tension bleed out of him. Aaron turns around before he’s seen watching heart thumping in his chest.

Reid invites him over but Aaron falls asleep on the couch before they get a chance to do anything, in the morning Reid’s gone and there’s a scribbled note on the counter about needing to go for a walk. Aaron lets himself out of the apartment before Reid comes back. 

Morgan attempts to play chess with Reid but it’s over quick and they both just sit there staring at the board not sure what to do next.

Garcia pulls Hotch aside and tells him he needs to do something. He doesn’t know how she knows, or even what she knows, or how she of all people could know anything. He tells her he will. She calls Reid her boy and he wants to snap at her that actually Reid is his boy. But he understands. She’s just trying to protect him.

Reid says he doesn’t want to tell the team yet. He wants to give Gideon some time. Aaron’s not sure they should tell the team at all. He’s not sure they’re going to survive this. He doesn’t tell Reid any of this. 

Gideon asks for a week off for the first time in his life and Aaron can’t deny him.

When Gideon isn’t back after a week Spencer asks permission to go see him. Aaron can’t deny him.

Aaron stays up all night waiting for Reid to come home. He isn’t worried that Reid will be unfaithful he tells himself. He makes dinner and it goes cold. He curls up in Spencer’s beanbag chair with a book but can’t focus on the words, turns out they’re in Russian. 

Reid slips in some time after 3am. He just gives Aaron a sad smile and says.

“He knows.”

Aaron holds Reid as he falls apart in his arm, crying and sobbing.

It’s the first case with Gideon back. He’d played six games of chess with Reid on the plane ride to New York. When they get their room keys Spencer snatches up the one furthest from the other and drags Hotch with him.

It Aaron who’s on his knees this time.

Spencer rakes his hand through his hair intentionally throwing it out of its usually perfect state. Aaron nuzzles at the bulge in Spencer’s pants, he’s never let him do this before. He doesn’t know if he’ll be good at it but God does he want to learn for Spencer, for his boy.

“Mine.” Spencer breaths out tracing Aaron’s lips, he parts them and Spencer slips his fingers inside. Aaron suck, hollowing his cheeks like he’s seen Reid do and the boy moans. Aaron wants to shove him against the wall and take what’s his but he waits, tonight is Reid’s night to do what ever he wants with him and when Reid yanks his head back and orders him to unwrap his package Hotch gives in completely.

At first Reid is gentle, rocking into his mouth just enough as Aaron sucks at his tip. Then he tilts Aaron’s head back and says -

“I’m going use you roughly tonight Aaron.”

He’s so shocked to realize it’s the first time Spencer has used his first name that he can only nod mutely.

They don’t even make it to the bed.

In the morning Aaron is sore in so many places, there’s carpet burn on his knees from when Reid took him hard. He can barely sit down or walk straight. There’s bruises on his wrist from where Reid held him down. There’s bite marks higher on his neck than his suit collar will hide. He can’t bare to wear a shirt yet because the rough fabric scarping against his abused nipples makes him gasp and get hard again. 

Reid laughs gently before offering to tell the team he’s running a fever. Hotch doesn’t want to agree but he does, he’s in no state to be out there catching a killer. He works from the comfort of the hotel keeping in close contact with everyone via phone and text. He allows himself a long bath to sooth the aches. Reid texts him every 20 minuets to make sure he’s okay. It’s touching and he understands. He felt the same way after the night Reid came to him asking for it to hurt. He texts Reid that he’s fine, he’s more than fine. He texts Reid tell him how much he enjoyed last night because he knows the boy needs to hear it. He texts Reid a picture of the bruise forming on his neck and can practically see him blush. 

They catch a lucky break and local law enforcement picks up the unsub on a speeding ticket. Morgan is the one to call and tell him, Hotch fakes a very convincing cough and says he’ll make his own way home, he doesn’t want to get everyone sick on the plane. Reid tells the team he’s taking the day to see the sights but declines JJ’s offer to play tour guide.

Reid doesn’t see any sights outside of their hotel room. They can’t stay long, they manage to stretch it out for two full days by planing to meet the team at their next case only one state over.


	8. They Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team finds out.

“I knew it! You didn’t see any of New York did you?”

Aaron walks into the room they’ve set aside for the BAU team, it’s a nice one with doors that close which can be handy when they don’t want to deliver the profile prematurely. He’d just arrived, Reid decided they should at least try to not seem like they came together but that bird just flew. He should have bought Reid a scarf when they both realized he’d forgot to pack it. 

Morgan was smiling, JJ laughed, Emily shot Hotch a look that was a mixture of impressed and worried, and Gideon just sat back in his chair. Morgan follows Emily’s gaze, his eyes snap to the matching hickies on Hotch’s neck. Silence falls as the best criminal profilers in the world realize their friend and their boss have been having an affair under their noses for two whole years. Hotch is kind of surprised at Emily, JJ, and Morgan’s shocked looks. After Garcia he’d half convinced himself that everyone know bu wasn’t saying anything. That was clearly wrong, Emily looked like she might have suspected but Morgan and JJ seemed shocked. Reid didn’t talk much about himself to the team, it’s convincible Morgan didn’t even know either he or Hotch were bisexual. 

“If you two wanted a sex vacation you could have just said, we would have picked up some extra work and let you stay at least three days.” Emily finally pipes up. After watching Spencer turn as red a tomato and Hotch fidget with his coffee she seems to have decided that this is fine by her.

“How long?” Morgan doesn’t sound angry thank god but JJ is staring daggers at him. Reid looks down at his shoes. “How long Reid?”

Hotch nearly breaths a sigh or relieve that at least for Spencer’s sake sexuality isn’t going to be a point of contention.

“About a week after I joined.” Aaron interjects, he can see Reid trying to make himself as small as possible. He doesn’t want this to damage the team anymore than it already has.

“Almost two years!? Why didn’t you tell me?” Morgan just stares at Reid in astonishment, when Reid doesn’t answer he looks around the room for backup. His gaze lands on Gideon who’s watching in silence. 

“You knew?” Morgan sounds betrayed and Hotch hurts for him, he hurts for them all, they should have said something sooner but this all just feel so new. He doesn’t even know what he and Reid are. He know’s Reid is his but the word ‘boyfriend’ hadn’t even passes between them yet. 

“I only found out two weeks ago.” Gideon leaves it at that and Hotch will be eternally grateful that the team doesn’t have to deal with that whole mess at this moment. He glances at Reid who’s looking scared and on the verge of tears and all he wants to do is wrap him up in a bug hug and hide him away from the others.

“So that’s what’s been going on between you three.” JJ points at Reid, Hotch, and Gideon accusingly. He can feel Reid wince from across the room.“Reid I’m not mad at you.” Her tone goes all soft, Morgan reaches out and Reid flinches away.

“Reid please-”

The boy pushes past Morgan shouldering Hotch in his haste. The lid flies off the coffee cup and Hotch spill the hot liquid all over his best shit. But Reid’s out of the precinct before anyone can say anything. Hotch just stands there still clutching his hand empty coffee. Everyone stares at him.

“Well go after him.” It’s Gideon who speaks first. 

Hotch flies out the door pausing only to dump the offending coffee in the trash.

It doesn’t take long, he finds Reid curled up in the back seat of their rental car clutching Hotch’s go bag. When Hotch opens the door to reveal his hiding spot Reid starts to cry in earnest.

“Can I come in?”

Reid beckons him forward and Hotch clambers in sweeping Reid into his arms. It’s an awkward position but he knows Reid needs this. He needs this too. It feels like the world is falling apart. If he’d know what this would do to the team … no even knowing for absolute certain it would break the team he’d have still slept with Reid that night. It’s the most selfish thing he’s ever thought he’d be capable of. The world needs them to all stay together but in that moment Aaron would damn the whole world to hell just to keep holding Reid in his arms.

“Your shirt.” Reid finally chokes out between sobs. “I’m so sorry.” And he knows it’s about more than the shirt.

“It’s okay.” Hotch just holds him a little tighter. “I love you.” It slips out before he can stop it. He doesn’t mean to confess it in this moment. He’d meant to sit Reid down over a nice home cooked meal and talk him through his feelings logically like he knows Reid needs, not to just assault him with this fact out of no where when he has so much else to deal with. Spencer Grips him tighter.

“I love you too.” Reid whispers back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOOO I've started writing this from Spencer's point of view because there's so much going on outside of Hotch but I didn't want this fic to stray away from him. I'll be making this a series and posting the companion piece of Spencer's POV in it. I might be mucking around and changing titles not sure yet.


	9. Aftermath

Aaron tries to pretend he’s not keeping an eye on Reid through the glass doors of the precinct. He’d asked Hotch and Gideon to wait outside. Gideon is sipping his coffee with a slight frown on his face. Both Morgan and JJ are talking softly and he can see Reid is still defensive but he doesn’t look scared. Emily sits further apart, observing and throwing in a witty comments from time to time.

“I’m glad it’s you.” Gideon’s voice pulls him away from watching Reid. He hands Aaron a new cup of coffee with three sugars in it just how he like it.

“Thank you.” Thank you for taking care of him, thank you for still being Reid’s friend, thank you for letting him go.

The victim’s sister shows up, Gideon and Hotch conduct the interview.

There’s no time to talk, ten minuets after Gideon and Hotch interview the sister they have a main suspect and the chase is on. It’s an exciting three days full car chases, a shoot out, and four rescued victims. It’s one of the good ones in his book. No one’s bothered to use the hotel rooms they booked so everyone falls asleep on the plane ride back. Reid waits till they’re all snoring before creeping over to Hotch’s seat. He lays his head in Hotch’s lap and lets Hotch run his fingers through his hair.

“It’s going to be okay.” He smiles up at Hotch and then turns away to sleep.

When they file back into the BAU he see Morgan break off to go find Garcia.

“Baby girl you’ll never guess-”

Hotch smiles to himself knowing she already knows. Moments later a squealing Garcia comes rushing out of her office and wraps Reid up in a big hug despite his protests. He shoots Reid a look but Reid just laughs and nods at him giving him permission to retreat.

“I’ll be in my office.” Hotch announces and climbs the stairs trying not to seem too hasty. He’d rather face them one at a time. He’s barely set his stuff down when he hears someone enter.

JJ is first, she closes the door behind her.

“If you hurt him -” She breaks off trying to collect herself. “The one thing this job has tough me is how to bury a body where no one will find it.” She stares at him dead serious. He nods tightly. She slips out just as quickly. Peaking through the blinds he can see JJ return to the bullpen. She gives Reid one last hug and whispers something to him. Reid laughs.

Gideon passes his door but doesn’t enter, he just gives him a fond smile.

Garcia tries to be more subtle coming in with a stack of paperwork. But she beaming ear to ear and he has to ask.

“How did you know?”

“Well Sir.” She dumps the paperwork on his desk merrily. “You all seem to forget I’m here just at late as you, sometimes later.” She gives him a wink and disappears before he can say anything more.

Aaron decides to dig into the stack instead of sitting there and worrying, he’s halfway through reviewing a new case when Emily knocks on the door.

“So I guess we can expect you two to share hotel rooms now.” She laughs. “Seriously, I’m happy for you two.” He’ll let her get away with it for tonight but she’s starting to become insubordinate. He gives her the Hotch-stare-of-firm-authority as Spencer calls it. She laughs again and leaves him to it.

Morgan doesn’t come in until he’s through three case files and two reports. He was beginning to think he’d left. He feels like he owns Morgan an explanation but he can’t think of anything to say. Morgan sits down in the chair opposite his desk and Aaron closes the case file.

“You should have told us about it.” It’s Morgan’s opening volley.

Aaron nods, he’ll give him that.

“We didn’t know what it was, not at first.” He confesses.

“He’s a good kid Hotch.”

“He means everything to me.”

“I know, I see that now and I’m sorry I reacted so poorly.”

“Have you told Spencer that?”

“Yes.”

Aaron nods his approval.

“I know JJ already gave you the ‘If you hurt him I’ll bury you’ speech so I won’t bother. Reid knows we’re in his corner. But what are you going to tell Strauss man?”

He hadn’t even thought of that. No that’s a lie, that’s all he’s tried to not think about since they landed.

“Probably that if she tries to get either of us fired I’ll tell the board about her drinking.”

Morgan laughs but now that he’s said it it’s not a half bad idea.

“We’ve got your back if you want us to keep this quiet.” Morgan sobers a little.

“I don’t know if Garcia can contain herself.”

That makes Morgan laugh again and Aaron lets some tension seep out of him. 

He stays as long as he can keep his eyes open. Reid slinks in at some point and lays down on the couch. He tells Reid he should go home and get some sleep but Reid just settles down with a book. On a night like this Aaron would probably fall asleep on the couch himself with some file laying open and more reports to write. But tonight, once he’s gotten through the bulk of them and when Spencer’s eye’s start to droop he puts the work away.

Spencer passes out on the car ride home. When they arrive Hotch briefly considers trying to cary him princess style but the elevator is out in Spencer’s building again so grudgingly he wakes the boy up.

When they stumble into the apartment Spencer grunts something about “I thought we were going to your place.”

“I thought you might be more comfortable here.”

“I like your place, it smells like you.” Spencer whines as Aaron helps him out of his clothes. He flings his bag over the couch and tries to clumsily get on his knees but Aaron drags him back up.

“You need sleep, we both do.”

“I need you.” Spencer Whines tugging on Aaron’s belt. But Aaron fends him off and steers him towards the bedroom. Spencer dives into the swarm of blankets that make up the nest like bed. Aaron hardly has time to get undressed before Spencer is dragging him under the blankets demanding cuddles.

“We should get our own place.” Spence mutters, Aaron tries to sit up and look at him properly to see if he’s joking or not but Spencer is already fast asleep.

Hotch stretches out trying to pull off his last sock without disturbing Spencer but the boy is well and truly out. He repositions them slightly and Spencer curls into his side, head resting on Aaron broad chest.

Aaron Hotchner falls asleep thinking about real estate prices and his grandmother’s wedding ring sitting at the bottom of his watch drawer.


	10. Epilogue: You Kick Like a Nine Year Old Girl

“You alright?” Hotch means it in so many ways. He want to tell Spencer he didn’t mean any of that shit he’d had to say to get Downy to believe he was on his side. He want tare off Spencer’s shirt and check that he hasn’t cracked a rib. He wants to hold Spencer but they’re in the middle of a crime scene.

“Yah.” It’s soft and Spencer won’t look at him properly yet. Hotch feels a pit open up in his stomach. He doesn’t know what to say. Aaron feels like if he tries to address anything he’s said and tell Reid he didn’t mean it Reid will take it the wrong way. He know’s Reid isn’t weak, he knows Reid doesn’t need to be protected. He knows sometime Reid reads something wrong and holds on to it for years before saying anything. 

“Nice shot.” 

“I was aiming for his leg.”

Fuck he hopes it’s a joke but he think’s it’s probably not. This all still feels strange, he can feel the knowing eyes of the team on them. He just wants to whisk Reid away but he can see how fragile Reid is right now, not because they’re lives had been in danger again but because he’s afraid Hotch really does hate him somewhere deep down. 

“I wouldn’t have kept kicking you but I was afraid you wouldn’t get my plan.” It’s an apology that’s not an apology. Finally Reid looks up at him and Hotch thinks he might have got this wrong. Reid’s smiling.

“I got your plan the minute you moved the hostages out of my line of fire.” He’s just that fucking smart.

“Well I hope I didn’t hurt you too badly.” Hotch can’t wait till their alone and he can make sure for himself. Reid laughs and shakes his head.

"Aaron I was a 12 year old child prodigy in a Los Vegas public high school, you kick like a 9 year old girl.”

Oh.

OH.

It’s a challenge. Now Aaron really can’t wait to get Spencer alone.


End file.
